all we can do is keep breathing
by fandrastic
Summary: he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to smell sandalwood again and not think of her. beck & jade
1. one

greetings, victorious fans! this is my first story for this fandom, and hopefully it meets the expectations of those who've been reading/writing victorious far longer than I have! jade & beck are definitely the main reason why I watch the show, and I do hope that this story does them justice.

as of now, this story is only planned to be about 4-5 chapters, but who knows? hopefully it's not too long, I already have a lot on my plate!

enjoy the first chapter!

**(blanket disclaimer: the author owns nothing that the reader recognizes)**

title lyrics lovingly borrowed from _Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson_

* * *

_i want to believe in more than you and me_

_but all that i know is i'm breathing_

_(all i can do is keep breathing)_

* * *

Beck messed things up good this time.

He knew that she was absolutely livid, because her pale face was flushed and her hands were clenched into shaking fists at her sides, but what was worse, what was different this time around was that instead of a look of anger on her face, she looked utterly defeated—and that scared him more that her screaming ever did.

He wished that he and Jade could have had this conversation somewhere more private (_like his RV, where he could silence her yelling with a hard kiss_) instead of this standoff by their lockers, but there was a sinking feeling in his gut that told him that definitely _wasn't _going to happen (_not when he felt so painfully rooted to the ground_).

Before he could even open his mouth to explain himself (_but he really couldn't—he was flirting with Vega and now he knew how completely foolish it was_), Jade wet her lips and stared him down with an unfamiliar intensity.

"Go on, Beck, you're free now."

Her voice was so steady and so soft and so wholly unlike Jade, _his _Jade, who screamed and stomped and always made perfectly clear exactly how furious she could get. But this… oh… His heart seemed suddenly lodged tightly in his throat and his ribs felt too tight (_he couldn't fucking breathe_) and he could hear everything around him; all the whispers of the onlookers and the thrumming of his blood in his ears.

Hopelessly he backpedaled.

"Jade, no—"

"You want out? Okay, done. I release you from your bonds."

There was that familiar sarcasm of hers (_but it wasn't the same_), and she sneered and gestured and looked so completely in her element, that if he couldn't practically _hear_ her heart breaking, he would've been proud of her. But he didn't have the right to be proud of her anymore (_not when he just had his fingers tangled in Vega's hair and his mouth on her skin_).

"Babe, just let me explain what happened—"

In vain, he tried to move closer, but she raised her hands in front of herself, a stance of self-preservation that was not lost on him. All of a sudden his throat felt too dry for words and his pleas stuck helplessly behind his teeth.

"Jade, just let me—"

Silently she shook her head, and he saw that her eyes were quickly growing glassy. He knew she wouldn't cry in front of him, in front of the gathering crowd—she had far too much pride to let that happen, but he could see how much she wanted to.

Again, he reached out to touch her, and the look she gave him broke his heart (_and everything grew so achingly numb_).

"You know that I'll always lov—"

"Please, don't say anything."

(_oh._)

The situation just _couldn't_ be real (_she said please, she doesn't say please_) but it was real, and before he could speak another word, Jade was gone in a wave of black lace and the scent of sandalwood.

The people around him cheered (_"the Wicked Witch of the West is dead!"_); Beck snarled at them and landed a frightening punch on Tori's locker (_he was a lover, not a fighter, and the pain that bloomed across his knuckles did little to clear his head)_. The lights on its surface flickered and faded, the crowd dispersed, and uselessly he ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't prepared for the myriad of emotions weighing down his lungs and tangling in his throat—it was almost dizzying.

There was secret romantic inside him that wanted to chase Jade down, force her to listen, to love him again… but she had always been the uninhibited passion to his practiced lethargy, and with her gone (_no no no)_, he couldn't find the heart to even move from this spot.

But then there was a strong hand on his shoulder, and Beck turned to see Andre's face glowering at him.

"Andre…"

"Look man, I'm not always Jade's biggest fan, but that was a dick move you pulled with Tori on her, pretty-boy."

Beck was sort of taken aback, considering that Andre was one of his closer friends, but the words were refreshingly abrasive (_just like Jade's—oh, he was such a fucking masochist_) and he found himself nodding.

"I know."

"Then do what you've got to do. Get the hell out of here and find Jade. I'll talk to Tor."

His shoulders slumped a little in relief. There was that kick in the ass that he'd come to rely on. But Beck wasn't entirely daft, he knew that Andre was head over heels for the new girl, and was at least partially vying for a truce, merely for his and Tori's sake.

"You're right. Thanks man."

"Don't thank me just yet." Andre tossed back as he walked towards to Sikowitz's classroom.

Alone in the hallway, Beck tried to brainstorm where Jade may have gone. He was positive that she'd left the school grounds (_the slamming of the main entrance doors gave her away_), but to be truthful, he wasn't sure where she'd head after that. With the returning sensation of his heart sinking, he remembered that he drove her to school earlier (_stealing kisses at stoplights and feigning disinterest when her nails skated down his thighs_) in his truck, and there was no way in hell she'd wait and get a ride from him later.

As another guilty sigh escaped his lips, he decided to search for her—on foot in this heat, she probably hadn't gotten too far. Without sparing a glance to the security cameras by the door, he exited the building and bolted towards his truck. At the moment, Beck wasn't feeling particularly nostalgic (_not when his mind was set on finding her and fixing __**them**_) and he didn't notice all the little hints of her left around the truck, like the spare hair elastic looped around the gear shift or the few scattered pieces of marked staff paper on the floor, even the print of her lipstick on the rim of his travel mug. His proper driving etiquette seemed to fly out of his head and he found himself _really _favoring the gas pedal.

Jade wasn't one of those girls who had a 'spot' to sit and 'think'; none of that crap with park swing-sets and Polaroid cameras and daisy chains. His mind suddenly clicked; she must've just gone home—there was nowhere else for her to go in the middle of the day. From his current position (_stuck behind the only idiot going the exact speed limit_) he calculated the quickest route to her house, and pulled violently down a deserted side street.

Immediately, his heart pounded against his ribs as he recognized the bright teal extensions on the brunette walking up ahead. Her step was quick, trying to put as much distance between herself and the school as possible, seemingly paying no heed to her surroundings. He pressed down on the gas pedal, racing forward to match her stride. When he finally caught up to her, Jade whirled around, already aware of his presence, even though he'd made no motions to get her attention.

Her face was set in hard lines, her elegant brows drawn together and her mouth pinched closed, no doubt holding back all the words she refused to say (_because speaking to him would be like letting him back in, giving him an opening, an excuse to feel better about himself_). With the press of a button by Beck's wrist, the passenger window rolled down and he leaned towards her (_she was still walking away from him and he was still inching forward at her speed—a pathetic chase_).

"Jade, _please_, let's just talk!"

He was sort of taken aback (_but not really_) when she landed a solid kick on the gleaming cherry metal of the passenger door, most likely leaving a long scratch and a possible dent (_but he knew he deserved it, and didn't say a word_).

"Don't you dare speak to me." She grit out, still walking.

Once again, people around them were watching, casting confused looks at the scowling brunette and the pleading youth in the truck.

"Please, just let me tell you what happened. Don't I deserve at least that?"

Her eyes widened and she stopped. Before Beck could even let it sink in that he'd just fucked things up even worse, Jade let out a sob, one that was quickly silenced when she clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. She looked absolutely mortified, as if she couldn't believe that sound of anguish came from her own lips (_and in front of him, no less_).

Stunned, Beck took his foot off the gas and the truck slowed to a crawl. The words were trapped in his lungs (_but perhaps it was better that way_).

"You deserve nothing." Jade finally managed as she returned to her steady gait.

Her sob was still ringing in his ears (_you broke her you broke her_) and it wasn't until he heard the sound of a car honking behind him that he realized that he stopped in the middle of the street. Jade was nowhere to be seen (_how long has he sat there, frozen?_), but he knew her house wasn't that far away, and he could still catch up to her.

It was barely two o'clock—he knew her parents were at work—so he wasn't afraid to use his key to get into the house. He knew the security code to the gate and the combination for the house alarm; dating Jade for almost two years awarded him that knowledge (_though she always spent more time with him in his RV than he spent with her in her parent's house_). When the front door closed behind him, Jade was sitting halfway up the foyer staircase, her eyes locked onto his frame.

Hesitantly, Beck took a step forward, unsure if she was as skittish as she was earlier. But Jade didn't move, instead her gaze merely darkened.

And suddenly he couldn't take the silence anymore, and the words came spilling out of his mouth.

"I kissed Tori. I kissed her this morning. She was… excited about getting that lead part opposite me and she came over to my locker and was just… all in my face and smiling and laughing and I kissed her. It was stupid and wrong and I don't love her, Jade, I swear I don't. But I kissed her."

The words sounded wrong, sounded wrong in his head and even worse out in the open, in the heavy space between them. Jade already knew of his confession, but that didn't mean that it was any easier for her to hear. Visibly she flinched, before schooling her features into a mask (_she protected her face to protect her heart_).

"So what do you want me to say, Beck?" She asked sharply, after the stillness between them reached an unbearable point, "Do you want me to _absolve_ you? To say, 'Oh, don't worry, Beck! Of _course_ it didn't mean anything!' and let you wash away your guilt? I'm not going to do that."

Heedlessly, he took several strides towards her. Jade held her ground, but still appeared tense, though she disguised it with a languid slouch against the banister.

"I'm just… I know I was wrong. I can't explain why I did what I did, but I know it won't ever happen again. I can promise you that it will never happen again. I love _you_, I've always loved you, and I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm so sorry Jade, and I want nothing more than for us to all right again."

"There is no 'us'. Not anymore." Her tone was clipped, frosty—a defense mechanism that he recognized clearly, but couldn't fight against.

His heart sank.

"Please, Jade," he whispered, "give me another chance."

She rose mechanically, her face impassive. Without a second glance, she ascended the rest of the staircase.

"Leave your key on the side table by the door."

Beck was left standing in the middle of the foyer, dumbfounded. It took several moments for him to realize that his fists were clenched, and when he unfolded his palm, he finally felt the sharp bite of Jade's house keys on his skin.

He moved on auto pilot, leaving the key in the ceramic dish by the door (_a dish he'd seen a hundred times, it meant nothing and now everything and now nothing_) before he let himself out of the house. The click of the door shutting behind him sounded like a gunshot in his ears, a bell tolling the end of a chapter or something equally symbolic, equally difficult to recover from. Standing there on her front porch, he didn't even know what to do with himself, he was too numb to form a coherent thought, let alone drive a vehicle.

But he did, he crossed the driveway and got in his truck and drove away, drove anywhere else. He wanted to go home, back to his RV, but he knew that there was a neat pile of her clothes in his dresser and his pillows still held the fragrance of her perfume. When they broke up before, it was to teach her a lesson, that he wasn't expendable or to be trifled with (_and during those days apart it was nice to have her scent still around_) but this time, he was the one with the lesson to learn and he wasn't sure if she was going to let him back into her life (_and he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to smell sandalwood again and __**not**__ think of her_).

But even though he was torn about heading home, he did so, driving the familiar journey back to his place from Jade's (_though this time his heart was considerably heavier_). He wasted no time idling in his driveway, instead hurrying into the RV with a frown marring his features. It was then, alone in his room, that he noticed the little things, the small, insignificant things that he got used to when his life was in tandem with hers. There lay a necklace, one with a long thin chain, on his nightstand that he knew for a fact belonged to her (_"Merry Christmas, Babe"_), a note with her distinctive handwriting on his message board (_Beck & Jade's Rules—NO ROTTWEILERS!_), her forgotten song writing journal next to the throw pillows on the couch (_"Write me song_?" "_Sure, write me a check."_)

He spent several long minutes lying on his bed, trying to make sense of the entire situation, when his cell phone chirped with an incoming text message. Slowly, he pulled out the device and scanned the message from Andre.

'**talked 2 tori, she says she feels really bad and wants 2 apologize 2 u and jade'**

Beck's eyes narrowed as he typed away his reply.

'_she and I will talk about it later. as for jade, tori should probably stay far away.'_

Andre's reply was slow to arrive.

'**so u and jade r done then?'**

He hesitated. Replying with the answer would make it real (_too real_), but he figured that the sooner people knew about him and Jade, the sooner they'd get over it and find something else to gossip about. Beck sent his reply with a heavy heart.

'_yeah, it's over between us.'_

'**sorry 2 hear that man. maybe things will turn out all right.'**

'_maybe.'_

The conversation died soon after—neither male had anything left to say—Andre was still irritated with both Beck and Tori, while Beck was too distracted with the reality of his actions' repercussions to send back any messages.

Rolling over onto his side, Beck closed his eyes and tried to imagine his next move. Should he try and talk to Tori, clear up the mess the two of them had made together? Or would cornering Jade and begging for a second chance make more sense? None of the ideas sounded worthwhile in his head, and the sigh that escaped his lips did little to release the tension that was coiled around his heart.

* * *

and there's the first chapter!

please please _please _let me know what you think!

x

fandrastic


	2. two

**DARLINGS. thank you all SO SO SO much taking such an interest in this story! as I stated in the first chapter, this is my first attempt at this fandom, and I truly appreciate all the feedback you've provided me. because my schedule has been crazy, I haven't had time to reply to the reviews, but believe me, I am so thankful for each and every one.**

**so, special thanks to Payson-Nicky-Forever, Addien of Camelot, BrownSugar1213, AvidReaderAshley, WhiteTigerXOXO, 'sucker 4 romance', Carebear7114, Katria2323, scryoko, 'thealee', 'Insert Name Here', Avalancher, 'just saying', 'Kyra', 'Abby', 'natty', InvisibleMeatball, DiamondSunshine, and secretlycool. your support means the world to me.**

**this is also not my only story at the moment, and I'm going on vacation soon, so I do hope I'll be able to update relatively regularly, but we'll see.**

**OH. ALSO. this is not going to be one of those stories where Tori is portrayed as a conniving bitch. that's grossly out of character for her. while I don't think she's as naive as she pretends to be, I don't think she has malicious intentions.**

**thanks again for reading! enjoy chapter two!**

(lyrics lovingly borrowed from _Casimir Pulaski Day _by Sufjan Stevens)

**

* * *

**

_all the glory that the lord has made_

_and the complications you could do without_

_(when i kissed you on the mouth)_

* * *

Tori Vega was not a bad person.

In fact, it might even be said that Tori was a pretty damn decent human being. She was accommodating and sweet and a generally pleasant person to be around. Tori was the type of girl who didn't mind spending her free weekends volunteering at a local soup kitchen, who did her best to help her (non-) friend try and win her boyfriend back, and was usually quite tolerant of her egotistical diva of a sister. Tori worked hard to follow her dreams, and people admired her for that.

But when Tori allowed herself to be kissed by a guy who was very clearly in a relationship… she stopped being the kindhearted and generous person that people thought she was.

Her day had started off perfectly. Trina didn't hog all the hot water and so her shower had been nice and soothing, Andre picked her up for school in his car and therefore she wasn't late to class, like Trina usually made her, and when she arrived at school and saw the cast list for the upcoming play, she saw that she had the lead role. Again. Things were going better than she had anticipated.

She felt quite a lot of satisfaction at seeing her name at the top of the roster—and it was the second time this year, as well. Even though she was new to the world of performing arts, she must have been doing something right. And it certainly didn't hurt to see Jade's name farther down the list, even if she _was_ also named as Tori's understudy.

Another quick scan of the cast list showed that once again, she'd be playing the lead opposite Beck. Her heart tripped a little in her chest at the prospect of playing opposite him, and she rushed over to where Beck had been leaning causally against the doorframe of a nearby classroom.

When he saw the excited look on her face, he smiled knowingly.

"Ah, I see someone has spotted the cast list. Congratulations, you've worked hard for the lead."

Tori bounced joyfully on tiptoe in front of him.

"This is so great! It'll be just as much fun as last time, with us playing opposite each other! We're going to have such a great time at rehearsals!" She beamed.

Beck laughed.

"Can't wait."

"Aren't you excited, Beck? I mean, this is a really great script and I heard from Andre that there's going to be a few casting—"

The sentence never finished as Beck had quickly covered her lips with his own. She was stunned—this was definitely the last thing she expected, but that didn't mean she pulled away. Tori would've been lying to herself if she said she hadn't imagined a moment like this since the day she met Beck. And now, to have him kissing her (_he tasted like coffee—she had never been a big coffee drinker_), it was like she was in a fantasy, in a dream.

And just like a dream, it came to an abrupt end.

This time, by the sound of someone's textbooks dropping to the floor.

Remembering herself (_and where she was, oh God, in the hallway!_), Tori pulled away, starry-eyed but confused, and without thinking, leaned over to help the bystander pick up their things. But once Tori saw who it was, she froze in place; watching in mortification as Jade West bent over to pick up the book she had dropped. She noticed that Jade's hands were shaking noticeably.

Tori paled.

Jade.

Beck.

Jade _and _Beck.

She spared a glance over at Beck, who looked even more shell-shocked than she felt. Jade slowly rose to her full height and gave them both an intense look (_and Tori thought she was going to die on the spot_). But as soon as it happened, it was over, and Jade was walking away wordlessly, the only sound coming from the click of her boots on the tile floor.

Before Tori could even open her mouth to talk to Beck, he raked a hand roughly through his hair and bolted after Jade, not bothering to spare her a word or a glance. And when she turned to see where the two had gone, she looked up to see an unreadable expression on Andre's face, and she was pretty sure that she had just taken about a thousand steps backwards.

Perhaps her day hadn't started off as perfectly as she thought.

* * *

It wasn't until Jade saw Beck finally pull out of the driveway that she allowed herself to break down.

She was almost horrified of her body's reactions—she had never cried that hard or that painfully before in her life. The tears ran down her face in long, inky trails, and her chest hitched so hard that she thought she was going to be sick. She had no recollection of how she made it up the rest of the stairs, let alone down the hallway to her bedroom, but she knew that she was clutching her comforter like a lifeline as she wept.

And when the sobs finally turned into small sniffles, Jade knew she was done crying over the situation at hand. It wasn't a sign of weakness, merely a sign of how badly she needed to vent her feelings. Touching a hand to her make-up smeared face, she frowned at the residue on her fingers and rose to go wash her face in the attached bathroom. She painstakingly scrubbed away at her teary mask until her face was pink and raw, and she squeezed a few drops of eye wash into her bloodshot eyes.

Sight clearer, she noticed the extra toothbrush (_his_) lying on the countertop, and without a second thought, she swept it quickly into the trash.

(_there. one piece of him gone, who knows how many left to go…_)

A strange sort of scorned determination fueled her, and Jade walked downstairs and into the basement to find an empty cardboard box. When she returned upstairs to her bedroom, she began filling it with Beck's things, and all the things that reminded her of him.

In went several leather jackets that were too big for her (_but too small for him_), a spare set of his pajamas, and too many t-shirts to count. Each article of clothing was folded methodically, tediously, (_there would be no point in throwing it all together_) before it was placed into the cardboard coffin resting at the foot of her bed. The birthday and Christmas gifts (_where was that necklace? hopefully it would show up_) were also stashed, though not everything seemed accounted for.

Next came the book of poetry he always read to her from (_there was something about his voice that could make any phrase sound lovely_), the boxed set of that stupid forensic drama he liked to watch, and the stack of letters and notes her wrote her, tied up with a black velvet ribbon and kept in a container beneath her nightstand. They all made their way into the box.

The pictures were harder to get rid of. He looked so happy in all of them, smiling that wide, easy smile that she had fallen in love with. She never smiled like that, always small, secret smiles, but she knew (_only because he told her this_) that her eyes spoke volumes instead and that he always knew that she was just as happy with him as he was with her.

Jade knew she was done crying over it (_over him_) and she determinedly filled the rest of the box with photos and other small trifles and mementos, proud of herself for not having to worry about holding back tears. When the box was finally filled (_oh! how empty her room looked!_) she closed it up and placed it by her bedroom door, ready to be removed whenever she saw fit.

And it was strange, that immediately after she had finished packing away his things, that she felt a wave of pure exhaustion crash over her. Jade shucked her boots and climbed into bed, pulling the covers closer to her chin. The set of pillows to her right held of the familiar scent of Beck's cologne, and without a second thought, she tossed them to the ground and closed her eyes to let sleep claim her.

* * *

She must have been more exhausted than she had assumed, because when she awoke, it was practically time for her to get ready for school once more.

More than anything, Jade wanted to stay home and stew in her bitter and anguished feelings, but staying home would be like proving to the entire school that she was weak and afraid—two things that she most certainly was not.

So, Jade gathered her strength. She got up and went on with her morning routine like it was any other day. The regularity of habit kept her focused and distracted enough to not worry about the fact that she was practically in shambles. As she dressed, she quickly scanned the note her mother had left on her desk (_daddy and I will be home late again—be good!_) before pulling on her last article of clothing. Swinging her purse over her shoulder, Jade eyed the cardboard box by the door. The last thing she needed was to deliver the items to Beck during the school day, where anyone else could gawk and whisper like they did the day before. Jade would just have to drop it off at his place another time, away from prying eyes.

She was starving, having missed several meals, but the hunger she felt was a welcome distraction. With both of her parents already off to work, she exited the house silently, preparing to walk the few blocks down to Hollywood Arts (_Beck used to drive her, Beck used to be her boyfriend_). But when she stepped outside, she saw someone familiar leaning up against their vehicle in the driveway.

"Andre?"

His lips quirked into a small, timid smile.

"C'mon West. I'll drive you to school."

* * *

Perhaps skipping breakfast was a bad idea, because her apprehension mixed unpleasantly with her hunger pangs, and Jade mused worriedly that she might be sick.

People were going to talk, if they weren't already doing so, and even though she didn't care what anyone thought of her, it wasn't something Jade wanted to deal with today. Andre had been relatively silent on the way over, instead flipping back and forth between two different jazz radio stations. While Jade and Andre weren't necessarily close, they had always had jazz band together (_ever since they were young enough to have a passion for music_), and his attempt to find a station they both liked was the offering of the proverbial olive branch.

She nodded when he looked up expectantly at her—she was too tired to smile (_and she doubted he'd buy it anyway_).

All too soon, the parking lot at Hollywood Arts appeared, and Jade felt the knot of twisted feelings in her stomach grow even tighter. Andre seemed rather attuned to her anxiety, or he could only imagine so, and turned to her once he had cut the engine.

"Uh, I've got some stuff to do in the music room before class starts, if you wanted to join—"

"You don't need to play protector," She snapped, "I'm a big girl; I can handle my own problems."

Jade figured that he'd be put off by her sarcasm, but instead, Andre looked relieved. Her sarcasm was something he could rely on, something he could handle.

"Everybody knows that, Jade. But I was planning on trying out a few jazz improv pieces, and everybody _also_ knows that you're the best skins player in our year. Drum for me?"

Jade couldn't help the small smile that played at the corner of her lips, but she countered it by narrowing her eyes at him.

"Andre, if you're doing this to—"

He drew his fingers quickly over his chest in a cross shape.

"My motives are purely selfish, West. C'mon, join me?"

With a heavy sigh, Jade conceded and unbuckled her seatbelt.

"Fine. But if you interrupt my solo _before_ I give you a nod of permission, I _will_ be slashing your tires."

Andre laughed and gave her a grin.

"I wouldn't expect any less."

With the mood considerably lightened, both Jade and Andre exited the car and headed towards the main building. And even though both knew that Jade could take care of herself, Jade let herself be surreptitiously lead towards the side entrance.

* * *

From inside the cab of his truck, Beck watched with a furrowed brow as Andre sneakily directed Jade through the secondary entrance to the school. He couldn't hear what they were talking about, but Jade looked (_relatively_) relaxed and Andre was laughing.

He wasn't stupid—he knew nothing was going on between the two of them. But seeing Andre take Jade to school, to lead her away from the awaiting, gossiping crowd… it proved to Beck that _he _was the one at fault, _he _was the villain in this situation. Even his friends were siding with Jade.

But if anything, Beck felt energized by this. He knew now, more than ever, that he prove himself once more to them, and most importantly, to Jade.

* * *

**and there's chapter two!**

**let me know what you think. :)**

**x**


	3. three

**holy crap, I adore you people.**

**thank you times a million to everyone who voted in the victorious awards, and for helping this story win 'best chaptered fic'! believe me, I wasn't expecting that. :)**

**so I'd love to thank all my reviewers, but my battery in my netbook is almost dead and you deserve this short update without further ado.**

**BUT KNOW THAT YOU ARE ALL AWESOME.**

**enjoy.**

**(chapter lyrics credit goes to The Republic Tigers for their song Buildings & Mountains)**

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**

_for today i'll let it go  
you've been good to me  
(have i been good to you)_

_

* * *

_

Needless to say, the thought of Sikowitz's class was making Beck uneasy. He had successfully managed to avoid speaking with anyone that morning, instead choosing to hide _(like a coward)_ in the back of the sophomore costume room. And when he did boldly venture from the cover of the colorful clothes racks, there were only a few vague whispers that reached his ears as he walked towards his first class. People, for the most part, kept their gossiping to a minimum. He had a feeling they were most likely scared off by the dark look marring his features.

The classroom door was in sight, and if he could just sneak in without having to speak to anyone, he'd be golden. Beck would just sit down in the back, put in his earphones, and wait silently for Jade to arrive. But before he could even pass through the entryway, a slender hand rested on his forearm and he looked up into Tori's confused expression.

A week ago, maybe, he'd be interested in why she was so distressed, but now, now that he had realized that he _didn't_ want her, the expected sensation of empathy was replaced with slight irritation. She should know better than to touch him.

Immediately he shook off her grip—he didn't want her to get the wrong message, and he definitely didn't want anyone to find them like that. She seemed a bit stung by his obvious brush off, but gathered her wits again and with the tone of her voice, forced him to look at her. At this point, all he really wanted was to take his seat and avoid this conversation _(confrontation)_.

"Beck, I think we should—"

"Look, I can't do this now," he muttered in interruption, "I know I owe you one _hell_ of an apology, but I just… I'm not doing this now. I need to talk with Jade first. I need to fix things with her before I do anything else."

Realization dawned on her features.

"So… you're telling me that you want to get back together with her?"

He looked bewildered.

"Well yeah, of course I do. I love Jade."

Tori's face fell, and she gave him a look he couldn't decipher.

"Well," she whispered, "I better get to class." She skirted around him and sat down towards the front of the classroom.

Sighing, Beck entered soon after and watched as the room slowly filled with familiar faces; Robbie with his unkempt curls, Cat, who was looking unusually reserved, and a slew of others before Andre and Jade entered. They were talking to one another, looking neither irritated nor ignorant of his presence. Seating themselves neutrally in the middle of the room, Jade busied herself with a faded copy of some Arthur Miller classic while Andre jotted down a note on his palm.

"Jade," he whispered, practically ripping his headphones out of his ears to speak to her before class started.

"Beck." She greeted objectively. His hopes soared; this was a relatively good sign.

"Could we… tal—"

"Reading." She held up a finger to silence him.

He frowned. Perhaps she wasn't being so objective after all.

"Jade, _please_—"

They had been speaking for barely a few seconds and he was already begging. A look passed between her and Andre, and she sighed.

"Not now. Maybe later," she finally turned and looked at him, "like, tomorrow later. _Maybe._"

Maybe was good enough for him. He flashed a genuine smile, practically glorying in her eye contact, though he tried not to falter when her own lips remained impassive in a line.

* * *

-x-

* * *

Early morning jazz improv with Andre soon became a habit for Jade.

It was a reliable way to avoid the gossip-mongers _(did you hear about jade and beck?) _that littered the hallways of Hollywood Arts, but also helped Jade to focus on something other than her personal life. This—music—was the reason why she had attended this school in the first place, and it felt like she was finally getting back to her reasons for being where she was. The music filled her and distracted her to the degree where she wasn't thinking about Beck or Tori or the conflicting feelings that seemed to plague her during the day. Plus, hanging out more with Andre proved successful; she now knew that despite how they had clashed in the past, he was someone she could rely on.

Andre was her friend.

"West! Quit daydreaming and get on beat!" He shouted at her from his seat behind the piano.

Jade lobbed a drumstick at his head, which he narrowly dodged.

Alright, so maybe it wasn't as great of a distraction as she had hoped.

With only one drumstick left, she ceased her motions. Absently, she chewed away at her lower lip until Andre's voice once again interrupted her thoughts. He hadn't stopped playing, but did lower his volume.

"You're spacing out again."

"Mmm. I think," she mused aloud, "that I'm going to drop out of the play."

The piano's melody ceased on an unresolved chord.

"Drop out? Girl, no, you can't just drop out because of Beck and Tori." Andre protested, shooting her a look over the instrument.

She raised a pierced brow at him.

"Actually, I can. It'll only lower my average a letter grade, and I can handle a B for the semester."

"C'mon," he frowned, "you've got to fight back!"

"Fight back? For what? The ex-boyfriend who clearly didn't want me? I think I'll pass. Tori can have him… and the lead role and everything else. I'm…"

"What?"

She frowned.

"I'm tired of being the only who cares. You know…" she shook her head, "no, never mind. This is so stupid."

"No, tell me." Andre encouraged gently, rising from the bench to move closer to her.

There was a lengthy pause. Jade was either ignoring his request, or gathering her thoughts.

"When… ah, fuck it. When Beck and I were together, I felt like I was the only one of us who cared. I mean, he obviously liked me somewhat because we were together for almost two years, but I felt like… I felt like I was the only one who was really in it. He wouldn't ever tell me that he loved me, I had to force it out of him," she revealed, "and like, who wants that? Who wants to be in a relationship like that? No wonder he wanted out. I was only convenient and comfortable for so long, I suppose."

"Jade…" Andre sighed, pulling up a chair next to her behind the kit.

"I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to, or be in a relationship with, but I did love him, you know? I _do_ love him, which is so fucking stupid of me, because he's so obviously in love with Tori. And who can blame him? It doesn't matter what she does—Tori Vega can do no wrong. She's your friend Andre; you know how she fucking lights up a room." Jade admitted bitterly.

"You're right, Tori is my friend," Andre agreed, "but I don't think that what she did was right. I mean, I don't know exactly what went on between them, or if anything even did, but I don't support her in it. I thought she was better than that. She never struck me as _that_ type of girl."

There was a heavy silence for a few minutes before the faint sound of the bell ringing in the hallway broke the stillness.

"Well, who the hell knows? All I know is that Beck kissed Tori, and she kissed him back. Whatever; a match made in heaven, a Hollywood Arts dream couple, right? Now I'm left with a B for the semester because I'm dropping the play and you're left babysitting me. And they all lived happily ever after." Her tone was heavy with sarcasm.

A small smile tugged at Andre's lips.

"Give me some credit," he laughed, "I'm here with you because I want to be. Besides, I'm not a big fan of either Beck or Tori right now, so we're on the same team."

She drummed her fingers along her knee.

"I almost feel like we should be plotting." Jade murmured after a small pause.

"Maybe we should."

Jade sighed.

"I don't know. I'm too… I don't know, Andre. I think I should probably let it go."

Andre's reply was cut off by the sound of the music room door opening to reveal a frantic looking Beck. His gaze landed on Jade and a relieved smile lit up his handsome features.

"Jade," he said hopefully, "you said… the other day, you said we could talk."

She seemed put-off by his ease, and narrowed her gaze at him. Andre could feel the anger suddenly rolling off of her in waves.

"Yeah? And you said you loved me, and look where that got us."

The smile was instantly wiped from Beck's lips, and he looked helplessly at her.

"I do love you, you know that." He whispered.

Her mouth tightened and she appeared like she was about to scream, but Andre shot her a look that made her shoulders lose their tension, if only by a fraction.

"I… I'm not having this conversation now."

Solemnly he nodded, and he wet his lips to speak once more.

"So, you're coming to play practice right now? There's a script run-through of the first act in a few minutes and since you're…"

There was an awkward pause.

"Since I'm Tori's understudy?" She finally piped up, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Jade, I, well… I just figured that—"

"Well, I'm dropping the play, so that's one less thing for us to have to dance around," she hardened her gaze, "you're welcome."

He looked devastated.

"Jade…"

"Oh look," she replied snidely, glancing up at the clock, "you're already late. Good_bye_, Beck."

Before exiting the music room, he gave her one last look; one Jade ignored by busying herself with a fraying thread on the hem of her shirt. A moment later, the door finally clicked shut, signaling Beck's departure.

"That felt good." She confessed.

"Did it?" Andre asked, trying to catch her eye.

"Yes…" she looked away, "and no."

* * *

-x-

* * *

**this sucks, I know. but it'll get better. hopefully I'll update soon! drop me a line, I love feedback!**

**x**


	4. four

**so yeah. long time no see. SORRY ABOUT THAT. no excuses... but college has been 1000 times more stressful this year, and so my writing hasn't been a priority, sadly.  
****but, this chapter is done (yay!) and that's a good sign, at least.**

**also... there should be a jade/andre oneshot of mine being posted sometime in the near-ish future. because let's be honest-jade/andre is lovely.**

**and so, I would like to thank my reviewers, because they have kept faith that there'd be an update. thank you all SO MUCH. your words of support mean the world to me. seriously, it's so nice to have words of encouragement from you.**

**without further ado, here's the latest chapter! hope it was worth the wait.  
(chapter lyrics are credited to regina spektor for her song _one more time with feeling_) **

**x**

* * *

_hold on  
one more time with feeling  
try it again  
(breathing's just a rhythm)  
say it in your mind until you know that the words are right  
(this is why we fight)_

* * *

Students were milling around in the main hallway of Hollywood Arts, playing instruments, talking to one another, and generally enjoying the few free moments before classes started for the day as Jade was busy shoving her things into her locker. Andre was seated cross-legged on the ground next to her, absently playing with a keyboard app on his phone. Still, he was alert enough that he noted Jade's sudden stillness before she turned to look down to him.

"You know what? I'm starting to think that—"

"Yeah, Jade?"

"Don't interrupt," She held up a finger, "I've been thinking… that maybe quitting the play was a bit… dramatic, no pun intended. I mean, sure, at the time I was mad at Beck—no, I _am_ mad at Beck, and it was sort of awesome to see his face fall and everything, but I don't know. Maybe it was too much. Besides, it was _Hay Fever_. I would have made a great Sorel. Well, _understudy_ for Sorel, actually; thanks Vega. But that's beside the point right now."

Andre rose from his spot on the floor by Jade's locker and gave her a serious look.

"So what you're saying is… maybe you're done making Beck feel worse about what he did?"

There was a pause.

"Yeah," Jade finally replied, closing the door of her scissor-covered locker, "I think I'm ready to finally just… let it go. And not in a fake dramatic way, I mean it in like… a 'Hey, you really wanna date Tori? Go for it, Champ!' kind of way."

Andre frowned.

"Wasn't that sarcasm right there?"

Jade sighed, tossing a lengthy violet curl over her shoulder.

"Well, there's always going to be _some_ sarcasm. But really, if they want to be together, it's really not my place anymore to make them feel any more awful than they should now. After all, love knows no boundaries or some trite crap like that."

"Sarcasm?"

"Andre!"

"Sorry. But seriously, is this _the_ Jade West… taking the _high_ road?"

She punched him solidly in the arm, but couldn't hide the small smile on her lips.

"Ugh, it's gross, I know. But honestly, I might as well take the high road, seeing as I've got all this free time now—no play, no boyfriend. Maybe I should take up a hobby."

"Taking the high road…" Andre grinned, "what's next? Volunteer work?"

"Hey, let's not get crazy."

"So when are you going to give him your… blessing?"

Jade groaned.

"Unfortunately, it has to be soon. I'm tired of avoiding him. I'm tired of driving to school with you—"

"Rude."

"Shut up. I'm tired of eating lunch in the practice room."

"So _that's_ why there are always crumbs on the keyboard…" Andre smirked.

"Shut _up_. Okay, I'll tell him today. Wait, no. Maybe tomorrow…"

"Maybe?"

"Ugh, fine… _today_. Now c'mon, I hear Sikowitz brought in more coconuts today. There's nothing I love more first thing in the morning than a sad, lonely man having visions."

The two of them gathered their things and made their way towards their next classroom, only to be stopped by Tori a few feet from the door.

"Oh, Andre, hey, and uh, hello, Jade," she hemmed and hawed nervously, digging the toe of her boot into the tile floor, "I was wondering, can we… can we talk, Jade? Just us girls?"

Jade lifted a pierced brow, and Andre nodded in agreement.

"Well then… I'll catch you two ladies in class!" He waved off, visibly smirking.

Sighing, Jade shook her head at Andre and gave the girl a dark look.

"Fine, but make this quick, Vega. The Sikowitz train wreck is happening in mere minutes, and lately my life holds little joy as it is."

Without another word, Tori grabbed Jade's arm and dragged her off towards the nearest janitor's closet. When she had assessed that they were truly along in the room, Tori let out a shaky exhale and looked up to meet Jade's gaze. She nervously tucked and untucked her hair from behind her ears, bit her lip, and then let her shoulders droop.

The old Jade would've taken this moment to pour coffee over Tori's head—hot, steaming coffee. The old Jade would have screamed and scratched at the girl who not only rubbed her boyfriend, but kissed him as well. But the old Jade was gone, replaced with a new Jade, who was equally dark but too emotionally drained to fight. Submission went against her grain under normal circumstances, but she found herself slowly getting used to it.

"Jade, I hardly know where to begin. I… I'm _so _sorry. I'm sorry for flirting with Beck, and kissing Beck, and just… in general messing up your relationship with him. I know I've been really awful. Can you ever forgive me?"

Jade just stared at her folded hands for a solid minute. Nervously, Tori spoke up again, wondering if the dark haired girl in front of her even heard a word of the apology.

"Um, Jade?"

Jade's eyes snapped back to Tori, and her gaze narrowed.

"Look Vega," Jade snarled, "your track record? It sucks. You've kissed my boyfriend, then Cat's boyfriend, and then mine… again! So yeah, maybe you want me to forgive you, maybe you feel bad for ruining so many relationships. And you know what? You should feel bad. So if the only reason you're all in my face with your crocodile tears is so that you can clear your conscience; well sorry, I'm not going to pardon you."

Tori bit her lip and raised her wet eyes to plead with her.

"But…" Jade continued, albeit begrudgingly, "if you do actually mean it, and you prove it to me, then… well then I'll think about it. Forgiving you, that is."

"I swear, Jade, I swear that I'm so sorry. I've been a real bitch; I know I have. I've even apologized to Cat again, and I'm trying to prove to you how truly sorry I am. Please, just give me another chance to make it up to you. Beck won't even talk to me. I've tried to apologize to him, but he keeps saying that he has to fix things with you before he can even think of apologizing to me. He really loves you, you know."

"_Don't_ bring up Beck—"

"But I have to," Tori interrupted, her tone serious, "because this is about him too. I know you're mad at me and I know you're _really _mad at him, but you should at least hear him out. He's really miserable—he never meant for any of this to happen. And I know it's not my place to even be mentioning him—"

"You're right, it's not—"

"—but, you should listen to what he has to say. He loves _you_. He's a good guy; don't let him get away. I know you and Beck broke up because he kissed me, but nothing has happened since, and nothing is going to happen again. I promise."

Jade was silent, and Tori took it as a sign to continue.

"I mean, I'm not going to lie. I really liked him a lot, and I thought he liked me too. But I tried to talk to him the other day and he totally blew me off so he could try and work things out with you. He's so in love with you, Jade. I was stupid enough to think that he wasn't."

"So?"

Tori furrowed her brow.

"So, I guess what I'm trying to say… is that even though he was stupid enough to kiss me, it really didn't mean anything; especially to him. Jade, I know you and I haven't really been close in the past, but I do consider you a friend and I would never, _ever_ intentionally hurt you or Beck. Honestly. I just… I got in over my head and then I thought that maybe he… no, it doesn't matter anymore because I promise not to think of him like that. Besides, we're friends, Jade; you and I. At least, I think we are. I just want you to know that I'm not going after him now that you two have split. He doesn't like me in that way, and we're just better off as friends, and _just_ friends. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you worry over him when you were dating and I'm sorry for letting him kiss me and I'm sorry for—"

"Tori," Jade interrupted, holding up a hand to silence her, "it's… well it's… ugh, it's all right. I mean, it wasn't—and I was all set to not like you for a _very_ long time—but I… I know you're sorry. I mean, obviously you are, seeing as you won't shut up about it. But I know that you mean it. So whatever, you're forgiven. I guess."

There were tears of relief in Tori's eyes when she hugged Jade tightly, squeezing the breath out of her lungs.

"Oh, Jade, thank you so—"

"Okay, okay, that's enough touching. No, seriously, Tori. Christ, let me _go_," Jade grumbled, though there was considerable less bite behind it, "like I said, Sikowitz. Coconuts. Let's move it, Vega."

Tori was all smiles as she followed Jade towards the acting class.

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By the time they entered the room, there were still a few minutes before the starting bell sounded. As predicted, Sikowitz was unconscious and sprawled out on the small stage at the front of the classroom.

"He's been hitting the stuff pretty hard, lately." Robbie supplied, noting the look of disgust on Tori's face, and the amusement playing at Jade's lips.

"I heard that he's living in his van right now, something about a fight with his mom. Oh my gosh! That reminds me of that time my brother was—" Cat chimed in before Rex cut her off.

"It's rude to talk with your mouth open, Red!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" She cried, affronted.

Robbie covered Rex's mouth with his palm, earning him a bright smile from the formerly pouting girl next to him. Tori took a seat on his other side and gestured to the open spot on the aisle directly to her right, hoping that Jade would accept the offered olive branch.

The only other open chair was on the other side of the room where Beck and Andre were currently seated. Jade groaned audibly. Andre watched her struggle to choose the lesser of two evils, the wide grin on his face growing as her own mouth tightened into a harsh line. She mimed slicing her throat while she glared at the pianist, and begrudgingly took a seat next to Tori.

As she faced the front of the classroom, she missed the look of pure surprise on Beck's face, his eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hairline. He turned to Andre and tilted his head back towards Jade.

"So she's forgiven everyone but me, huh?" He whispered resentfully.

"Look," Andre confided, "she's still hurt, but you're probably next on the list."

"Of forgiveness?"

"Of… honest discussion, at least."

Beck sighed.

"At this point, I'll take what I can get."

"Hey, Beck!" Jade's voice rang out in the classroom. Sikowitz stirred, snoring loudly, but he did not wake.

He practically gave himself whiplash as he turned to face her, hoping that the achingly hopeful look on his face wasn't as glaringly obvious as it felt.

"Yeah?"

"I…" she started, trying very hard to ignore to look of triumph on Andre's face, "We… are going to talk. Later today. During… lunch, perhaps."

"Sure, of course, I would… I would lo—appreciate that. Where exactly?"

His voice sounded so desperate in his own ears, and the whole classroom was listening with rapt attention, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Jade—_his_ Jade—was speaking to him.

Jade seemed to finally notice that the rest of the room was hanging on their every word, and her mouth tightened noticeably.

"I will text you the location."

There was an audible sigh of disappointment when the place was not revealed to the entire room.

"Perfect, sounds perfect. I'll, uh, talk to you then."

Jade merely nodded her head and turned back to face the front. A moment later, the starting bell rang loudly, jolting their teacher from his coma-like state.

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Several class periods had passed at a snail's pace, leaving Beck anxious for his conversation with Jade. To be totally honest, he had no idea what to expect. He couldn't imagine that she'd pull him aside, merely to force an apology out of him—especially when she had made it abundantly clear in recent weeks that he was the last person she wanted to talk to. He hoped she didn't want to yell at him, though that wasn't entirely out of the realm of possibility. Whatever was going to happen was going to be interesting, to say the least, and couldn't happen soon enough.

Multiple times during the course of the morning, his phone buzzed in his pocket and he grappled wildly for the device, only to find that he had imagined the sensation of the vibrating alert of an incoming message.

Lunch came and went—no word from Jade. He tried to ignore the ache in his chest.

The real text message from Jade didn't arrive until the afternoon, as Beck stood in line at the coffee cart before his sound and lighting class. The guy running the register drummed his fingers on the counter impatiently as Beck whipped out his cell phone and scanned the new message hungrily.

**New Message from Jade West**

_I was going to meet you in the janitor's closet, but it seems that Sinjin has set up some sort of strange hideout there… Anyway, the alcove by the eastern entrance is quiet. Meet me there?_

"Dude," the coffee cart employee in front of him snapped, "you gonna order today or what?"

Wordlessly, Beck walked away from the cart and headed towards the eastern entrance to the school, typing a reply as he went.

**Reply to Message**

_Absolutely, I'll be right there._

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He saw her before she saw him. Jade was seated on the floor, her back against the brick wall of the entryway as she crossed her long legs out in front of her. In her hands was a sturdy pair of scissors and what looked like the poster of Shakespeare that had mysteriously disappeared off the wall in Sikowitz's room.

It was in this moment that the severity of his previous actions hit him full force. He missed her; he missed her more than he thought was possible. He was most surely an idiot for thinking that she wasn't exactly what he wanted, what he needed.

"You're lurking." Jade's voice called out, interrupting the sound of snipping paper.

Sheepishly, Beck stuffed his hands in his pockets and ambled towards her in what he hoped appeared to be a relaxed manner.

"Just mourning the unnecessary mutilation of the Bard." He joked.

This earned him a half-smile, but it was soon covered with a more serious expression. Before she could rise and set a stiff, determined stand of defense, Beck seated himself on the floor opposite her in the entryway. He knew something was amiss from the way she avoided his gaze.

"So, I asked you to join me here because I was, well… I was a bitch to you the other day when you were trying to talk to me, and I figured that you had something you needed to say. At least, something to get of your chest."

Beck nodded, trying in vain to catch her eye.

"Jade… I'm sorry for everything…" He ventured, not even sure where he was going with his sentence.

She tilted her head towards him, but still kept her eyes lowered as she carefully chose her words. It almost seemed as if she was struggling with what to say as well.

"Look, I know you're apologetic, and I appreciate it," her voice wavered, "and so I guess… I just wanted to assure you that whatever you want to do with… Tori, or whoever at this point… it's okay with me now. I know I was upset before, but if you want to be with her, or anyone else, I'm not going to sabotage you both or anything."

Her words sunk in quickly and a scowl immediately darkened his features. He was apologetic, sure—but he wasn't going to take this lying down. For him, this was never about moving on. It was about getting her back.

"Stop, Jade, just stop it. I've told you, I was stupid to kiss her and I _get_ that. But I don't want to be with her, Jade. You know that I don't."

"No," she raised her head, voice bristling, "it turns out that I didn't know that at all."'

Things were escalating fast.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It didn't mean anything. It was… stupid and wrong and I'm _sorry_. I'm so sorry."

"I get that you're sorry, I do. But if you claim so much affection for me, why did you even do it in the first place?"

Her voice was growing louder, just as his fists were clenching tighter.

"Because you were jealous, you were jealous over _everything_. You were resentful over Tori and I couldn't seem to convince you that there was no need to be."

"So you kissed her? How does that even make sense?"

"You drove me to it!" Beck shouted, "You were so obsessed with what you thought I was doing with her, that I just snapped, okay? Tori was there, and she wasn't yelling at me or making me feel useless, so I kissed her."

There was a heavy silence, and Beck tried to reign in his anger. It wasn't very often that he let his temper get the better of him—usually it was Jade who let her powerful emotions control every situation. His heart was pounding behind his ribs as he waited for some sort of response from Jade. Once his anger began to ebb away, he was instead filled with the sickening sensation of guilt, and Jade was still eerily silent.

She finally shook her head slowly and placed her scissors on the ground at her side. Beck noticed that her hands were trembling slightly.

"I… was obsessed with it; I know. I had convinced myself that you were in love with her, because… I could barely convince myself that you loved me."

His brow furrowed deeply.

"What? What do you mean?"

She took a shaky breath and his heart lurched.

"All the time, you would joke about breaking up with me, about how inevitable it was… like our relationship was a big joke and it meant nothing to you. And …you'd joke about it in front Andre and Tori and everyone, and God, Beck… she'd just smile so wide at you. Like you'd be free from me any day."

He felt his stomach drop.

"Oh, God…Jade, I never meant for it to—"

"And you would never tell me that you loved me—"

"That's not true," Beck protested, "I tell you all the time!"

But she shook her head.

"No, no I had to force it out of you all the time. I'd _make_ you say it to me, Beck, but you'd never say it on your own."

His face fell.

"I didn't realize—"

"I mean, if you never meant it, that's something else entirely… and I get it. But if you didn't, you should have just broken up with me, instead of leading me on for two years."

"Jade, I love _you_." Beck insisted, his voice steady with the truth of it.

"And that's the funny thing. Since we broke up, you tell me all the time. But I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what it means when you say it."

Again, silence fell over the two of them. Beck's eyes stung and his throat felt too tight for words. Jade had lowered her eyes again and from the tilt of her head, it appeared as if she were eyeing the scissors once more.

"Jade," He finally spoke up, "I know that… I know we're… but do you…?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you still love me?"

At this point, her eyes snapped up and she stared at him.

"You're such an idiot."

"Jade…"

"Of course I do, Beck! You don't love someone for two years and just… all of a sudden stop. Not even if they kiss another girl. Twice."

Tentatively, he reached for her hand. She didn't move, and he took it as a good sign.

"Then please, please, give me another chance. I hurt you—I hurt you so much, and I've been a bad boyfriend, but I love you and I want another chance for us."

"Our relationship wasn't healthy, Beck. How can we be together if we can't even trust one another?"

With his free hand, he raked his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know. I… don't even know where to start. But I know that we both still love each other, and I know that I miss you, and so all I want is another chance to work this out with you."

She sighed, but the hand he clasped in his own finally gripped his fingers back, and his heart soared.

"I have to think about it."

And with that, she slipped her hand from his, snatched up the scissors from the floor, and stalked away from the entryway. Beck was left alone with the clippings of Shakespeare's face, and felt the smallest sensation of hope for the first time in weeks. Jade having to 'think about it' was excellent news; it meant that not only did she have an honest and heartfelt conversation with him, but that she acknowledged that he was still in love with her. Maybe now, maybe this time he could fix the things in their relationship that sent them to ruin before. He knew what it was like to be without her, and he didn't want to feel that way anymore.

And most of all, he didn't want Jade to be hurt over him ever again.

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* * *

voila! so what did you think? reviews would be lovely. thank you all for reading!

x


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